"Facade"

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Standing up straight, I watched my movements.

Opening my mouth, I watched my words.

Looking straight into their eyes, I was careful of my gaze.

I've always known that my actions and my eyes can speak too.

Overall, it seemed that I directed everything perfectly.

I thought that no one would be able to see behind this ideal facade.

But looking around me, I saw no one impressed.

They'd seen right through me.

My mistake was a simple one—a fact many of us tend to overlook.

I forgot that the mind speaks too.

I forgot that we are all connected in ways we may never understand.

I made myself deaf to the song of the world—the harmony of the human race.

- © copyright (asayoungwriter) Bryanna

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I wrote this piece about a week ago, but I honestly have no idea what it is. It's definitely not a poem, but it's not an essay either. Could it be prose? What do you think?

The day I decided to write this, I was contemplating on the action of lying. Lying—we've all done it before haven't we? I bet we've all told at least a single lie in the course of our life.

Now, why do we lie? Do we lie to hide something? To please others? To remove ourselves from reality? Do we lie out of fear? Out of necessity? Out of want?

Whatever the reason may be, all our lies stem from a specific root. We all lie for a reason, but I'm not saying that lying is good. I'm just saying that lying is a common thing among us humans.

Other times, we lie out of default—without thinking, we spit out words that aren't true.

I guess a good example would be the time someone asks if you're okay. If you're like the lot of people I know (including myself), your "default" answer would be, "I'm fine," even if it may not be necessarily true. We tend to lie a lot about our feelings because—well, we all have our own reasons, don't we?

That day, I also contemplated on facades—they're the appearances we put up in front of people to hide who we really are. 

I remember a particular quote saying that we have three faces—the one we show the world, the one we show our close friends and family, and the one only known to us. I remember a different quote that states that we have three dimensions—how the world sees us, how we think the world sees us, and how we want the world to see us. The closer the space between the three dimensions, it said, the more at peace we will be.

Those sayings may not seem too similar, but they definitely have connections to each other. Just like with our three dimensions, I believe that the more identical our different faces are, the happier we will be.

In the first place, why do we put up faces? Why do we put up walls? Why do we put up facades? 

We may have been hurt in some way that led us to distance ourselves from the people around us. That led us to conceal who we really are and replace ourselves with an image of a person people want to see. We may have been "forced" by others to change who we are—this is usually for the better (in the eyes of the world). 

Sometimes, we can't really help hiding who we are. Despite the world telling us to be ourselves, that same world is the reason why we can't. 

I sure hope you understand the circumstances in which I'm referring to. Explaining any further might make things more confusing.

These are the things that went through my mind when I wrote this particular piece. I would rather not explain my words, for I personally believe that a work's meaning is all in the hands of the reader.

There's are lessons scattered in those few paragraphs—one which I aimed to express and make known to those I could. They're pretty easy to spot and comprehend. Did you find them?

So, what do you think? Can you relate? I'd love to hear your thoughts about this piece and the topics I've been discussing.

Humans will be humans.

We will hurt,

We will lie,

We will build walls.

But don't forget that,

Even with this messed up world

We're living in,

Life's still good.

There still are people who are willing

To break down the walls

You've put up,

To see the truth behind your lies

And accept you for who you are.

Humans will be humans.

We will hurt,

We will lie,

We will build walls.

Just remember that everything 

That rises

Is meant to fall,

And everything that's hidden

Will soon be found.

- (asayoungwriter) Bryanna

 

Words Fade Through Time

Many people say that words last forever. That words are eternal. That words will continue to live on even after we are gone.

I believe otherwise.

You see, what we say now—the words the hold meaning for us—may not be true in the future. They may not hold the same weight, the same denotation, the same significance, that they do now in a couple of months.

A classic example—that I'm sure all of us can relate to—is the feeling of hatred towards someone. 

Feelings, like words, are also temporary. They are easily manipulated, and may be changed in any time, given the proper circumstance. But let's not get into that just yet. Feelings and emotions are a whole other discussion, but I'll use some bits and pieces here just to emphasize my point.

In the course of our lives, we have all encountered a person who may have vexed us or whose actions didn't coincide with our perspective on things. We all have that person who somehow did something to make us hate them. In other situations, we tend to have this intuition about this person that starts our hatred towards them, even if we may not exactly know why we dislike them in the first place.

Yes, I very much know that hate is a strong word. Though I feel it best—the word seems fitting—that this particular word be used in this piece of writing. After all, it has been a word very familiar to us since the days of our childhood. A word that we may have misunderstood and misused in the past, yet know its "universal meaning" all the same. To comprehend what I mean of "universal meaning", take some time walking down memory lane or ask a child's definition of the word.

There must have been a time when we first loved someone, then hated them after—or vice versa. We may have hated a classmate from school because of her behavior towards others, and told everyone about how much we dislike her; but as the years go by, the feeling of hatred fades. The words we spoke then no longer hold meaning to us now. 

Another is the feeling of crushing on someone. We may have said that we loved the person, and many other things about him; but if this crush doesn't evolve into anything more—anything deeper—it is sure to be washed away by the sands of time. Just like with the feeling of hatred, our words lose meaning as the weeks fly by.

I can say that words are temporary with certainty because words are often mixed with feelings and emotions. The words I've been referring to here are the ones we use when we communicate to others and express ourselves. Words that are basically opinions, not proven facts. Since these words generate from our emotional status, there really is no scientific way to prove that what we say is a 100% true.

Reading this, you may have thought of things you said before that don't mean the same to you now. Words that, said by the present you, would definitely cause confusion. Words of yesterday that wouldn't fit into today's circumstances. If you haven't thought of anything yet, maybe now's a good time. Think, really think, about the things you said before that you wouldn't dare say at this moment. 

I do hope we're at an understanding, you and I. Do you get the point I'm trying to convey? Or is everything I'm saying just a big blur of words?

Basically, the "lesson" I'm trying to get at here is this: The words people say—words you say—may not matter at all in the future. Don't get so worked up about them. Don't let measly words affect who
you are and how you go on with your life. Don't let feelings overpower your words—you may regret them later.

Think before you speak. 

Be who you want to be, 

and live as you want to live. 

Don't let other people talk you out 

of pursuing your dreams, 

downplay you for who you are. 

Remember, 

words are temporary, 

and not every word spoken is true. 

- (asayoungwriter) Bryanna

 

Thoughts to End the November

It's the year 2015, and the last day of November dawns upon us. 

Haven't you noticed? One's life is but a quick and nebulous passing—we often tend to forget the days that go by, the memories that just fly through. Isn't it a wonder how we easily neglect the seconds that tick, the minutes that drift, the hours that stream? 

Am I the only one that can look back at this year, and say that the past is too far out of my reach to remember? Why is it that we can remember misgivings, yet not recall good tidings? 

These past few weeks, a tone of nostalgia has been wrapped around me. I suddenly miss those whose paths I no longer cross, times I used to think were nothing out of the ordinary, places that didn't seem as special to me as they do now. I think back to how things were, and realise that I never really noticed how much has changed, until I looked at what has happened. 

Who I was before seems to be floating away into the horizon because of who I am now. I've started to regret the absence old me; but then again, am I really any different? Yes—my surroundings, the people with me, the things I immerse myself with—yes, they're all different. Nevertheless, I'm inclined to wonder...did I change along with the world? Did I choose to keep myself as I was? Or am I merely a figment of my own imagination, trying to cover up the girl I call myself?

In any case, the day is tiring, and a new month will wake up fresh. Whoever I am, whoever I'm trying to be—maybe that can wait till later. Despite my hard recollection, powerful memories still fill me, and I'm barely on my feet trying to keep up with myself. 

Maybe, I'll save these thoughts for the new December. Maybe, I'll save them for whoever I'll be. 

Don't let needless thoughts run your head.

Remember: you are the master

of your own world.

A new month is here...

what opportunities shall await?

Stop shaking your head at the belief that

you can and will change.

- (asayoungwriter) Bryanna

"Ningas-kugon"

It's a phrase which relates to a situation where one wants to do something or has a set goal; this person is very excited to do it at the start, but as time goes by and the enthusiasm burns down, the person loses motivation; the work is left unfinished.

To clarify this statement even more—as I know it's hard to understand the first time around—let me give you a common situation but in the dilemma of an author:

While sitting on a bench out in the open, or while drinking a frappe in Starbucks, an great idea comes to your head. You keep it in there for further notice. Then as the days go by, the ideas start filling up your head; and when you know you've had enough, you start putting the pieces together like a puzzle.

After a few sessions of thought organisation, you have the finished piece. It's story you have and really want to write and get started with.

You pull out your laptop or a piece of pepper and start writing whatever comes to your mind first. You follow this workout for a couple of days or even two to three weeks if you're that determined.

But as the words flow and time passes, you're out of ideas and don't know what to do anymore. You get writer's block. Suddenly, you notice how much the sun shines brighter at noon and how the flowers smell in your garden. You try to think of ways to distract you until you've totally forgotten about your novel.

And in the end, it will just be a document filed in your computer, waiting to be opened. You will not open it for the next years or so; because once you've forgotten all about it, new ideas start coming to your mind.

It's all a cycle. You get the idea. Puzzle it. Start working on it. You lose enthusiasm. You lose ideas. You get distracted. You forget about it. And it starts all over again.

In the end, when you've decided to spring clean all your files, you'll notice the hundreds of documents and files of unfinished novels.

And you'll say to yourself, "What have I done? Why couldn't I finish them when I had the chance?" You won't be able to go back anymore because you're too busy with other things in your life. You'll regret not finishing them until your dying breath. (sorry for causing that mental image in your mind.)

(Here's a kitten to take the image away)

That's exactly what I've been avoiding. For the past weeks, you haven't heard so much as a fly noise from me. And that's because I've been trying to avoid Ningas-kugon. And surprisingly, I'm succeeding. 

I started a novel last year but wasn't able to finish it. I started a new one at the start of April and I'm determined not to make the same mistake again. I don't want any regrets.

If you're curious, I already have 50,000 words, which already sums up a whole novel. But sadly, I'm only on the verge of finishing Part 1. So looking at where this is going, I still have a long trip to the end sentence. (Wish me the best of luck.)

I'll try my best to keep up with my blog even with my hectic schedule. Because even if I don't want to leave my novel unfinished, I don't want to abandon this blog either, especially when it's just beginning. It will also be Ningas-kugon if I started this blog with a hitch only to leave it after my third post.

So hopefully, you'll be seeing a lot of me this year. :)

Finish what you started and

don't make any regrets.

Go back to those old projects while

you still have time.

Try your best to finish everything and

keep and organised schedule.

Begin big, end big,

live an extraordinary life.

- (asayoungwriter) Bryanna

Life is Happening Now

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risk |rɪsk|

• something man is afraid to take

• a deceiving little thing that indicates all the vain possibilities of danger: creeping into man's mind, manipulating it, and hindering man to live

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For the lot of the time I've been living, a question always seems to enter my mind, without my subconscious knowing it. It's a question that's been crawling into the very walls of my brain, screaming its message aloud; its voice echoing through my head, not willing to stop. That question, my friends, is the very famous, "What if?"

Starting Day 1, I've always been the "scaredy cat," the one who hates taking any risks. Heck, my younger sister is even braver than me. She's not scared of almost anything. Almost. And that's saying something, seeing the fact that she's five years younger. I've been called a "chicken" by her every time we go to some amusement park where there's tons of cool rides. I'm starting to get annoyed, but that's not bothers me the most.

I commonly hear people say, "Live your life now," but only recently did I understand what they truly meant. Life is about taking risks,  going out of your comfort zone, and living like there's no tomorrow. 

We all have dreams, don't we? And in the process of making those dreams come true, we have risks. If we aren't willing to face the dangers that may come our way, then how do we expect our dreams to come true? We shouldn't stay and wait for things to happen. 

Waiting shouldn't become a habit of ours, because if we continue to wait, what will we accomplish in our lives? Nothing. If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives. Life is happening now. And we should go along with it, not stay in the same place forevermore.

What we want isn't always going to appear before us in a flick of a finger. We don't have fairy godmothers who will grant our every wish. If we want something, we do it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. That's the end of it.

In life, so far, the only regrets I have are the risks I wasn't willing to take. I became too relaxed with my comfort zone and carelessly forgot the enthralling feeling of danger and risk. I forgot the need to balance things in life, just like Yin and Yang. Balancing the ease and danger in my life.

Most of the time, I too easily doubt myself with the things I can do, and end up wondering, "What would have I done, if I knew I couldn't fail?" I've risked things too small this year, and from now on, I need to start failing big and stop running from my fears.

     

From my week-long vacation to Hong Kong, I've learned so many things that have inspired this post. When we went to Disneyland, fear was quickly taking over me as I saw the thrilling rides. But in the end, I rode them anyway and found out that they're not as scary as they look. Super fun, actually. Those experiences will forever be irreplaceable, and that's what matters.

My life finally made a great turn, when I left my comfort zone. 

I was given a chance to take the risk, I took it, and that's what's important. Taking the chance. All the limits from my past regrets were all self imposed, that's what angers me the most. But of course, we all have our limits, especially the really scary rides I decided not to go on during my vacation. And I don't really regret not doing it. But alas, chances and limits are a whole another story.

I've turned my life in a different direction, and I'm not looking back now. It's a risk to love, and a risk to dream, but I do them anyway. My life in now set for new adventures, new discoveries. All of which have risks I'll be willing to take. I'll have no more regrets. After all, what's the use of looking back now?

Take risks.

Live your life.

You have the power to chose:

 whether to stay in your comfort zone,

or go out and explore the world.

Fulfil your dreams.

Don't wait 'till you're ready.

Don't have regrets.

Balance things in life.

Don't be afraid.

Make experiences.

Take the chances,

but always limit yourself.

Fail big, fail good.

Dream and love,

live an extraordinary life.

- (asayoungwriter) Bryanna

Closing the Door to the Past, Opening the Door to the Future

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life, lately. I'm glad for the little moments where I get to just sit and think, try and look at how my life is, enjoy the wonders of my surroundings.

I want to make a difference in this world. I mean, who doesn't. I want to make my mark, I want to be alive even after I'm dead. But how can I do that? I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life. No, that's not who I am. That's who I was.

As I close the door of my ordinary life in the past, I open a new one that leads me to an extraordinary life in the future. This is where I start to make my mark. My first step on the stepping stones leading to greatness.

Leaving my past mistakes behind, and all the bad things along with it, will probably be one of the best decisions I ever make. 

But I am not simply starting a new beginning, no. No one can begin again. I am simply making a newfound ending.

When I flip to the next page of my life, to its new chapter, and begin to rewrite my future, I want to make sure that everyday is the perfect day to be exactly who I want to be. I have the power to shape my own destiny, but with power, comes great responsibility. I'll make sure my destiny, is what I wish it to be, what's best for me, and most of all, what God wills it to be.

This year, I hope to do something so great, it will be one of my greatest memories in the future. Which is a real challenge, seeing that I have so many of them sitting around in the great meadow that is my head. I want to do something that will change my life forever. And hopefully, change other people's lives as well. However, I will restrain myself from going all extravagant and start small.

My wish to do something so great, will definitely result in many obstacles in the future. But why wait for tomorrow when you can do it today, yes? And even if I want all these things to happen, yet do not act upon it, nothing will happen. 

So I decide to start now. This blog will be proof, and a remembrance of all my memories—the various individual journeys I take on the road to accomplish my goal. And hopefully, at the end of this year, when I have achieved what I desire, may I be able to look back at those memories and remember them with such content.

You have the power to shape your destiny.

You chose whether or not you make your mark.

You get to chose to close the door of the past,

open the door to the future,

or stay where you are 

and live your life as it already is.

Do you want to live an ordinary life?

Or an extraordinary one?

- (asayoungwriter) Bryanna